To My Valentine Anabel:

Ever since the moment we started talking to each other, I knew I had found a person that made me feel so seen and proud of myself. I mean, we would stay up til 5 in the morning just talking about us. To think that those feelings would remain until our second Valentine’s honestly isn’t a surprise to me, but a warm welcome. I don’t want to talk about our love in this letter, though. Since this is Valentine’s Day, I want to selfishly talk about the love I have for YOU. I want to talk about my complete, perfect, one-sided obsession with you.

I. I am so proud of you

Sometimes I think about the girl who slept in cramped room in campus town of Champaign and I’m blown away by how much you’ve changed since then. The love is the same (if not with deeper roots), but it’s so beautiful to see how you’ve shed off your shell and spread your wings, the shadows of your mind slowly being warmed by the sun. I’d like to say that it was because of me, but that would be taking away your drive, your passion, and your warmth that you bring to the world. I remember when you would tell me how hard it was for you to get a full night of rest, and now you’re sleeping like the whole world is veiled in night (I love sleep). One of the most precious things I’ve gotten to witness is how you’ve come to love your body more and more. You’re treating it well, giving it rest, love, and food. I can tell all of that lovely self-care is helping you become the woman you want to be. I can’t wait to see what you’ll accomplish in this world, the sights you’ll see, and the children we bring into this world—and so much more.

II. The things you do that make me love living

How better to illustrate my love for you than telling you all the little things you do that make me so unbelievably, uncontrollably over the moon for you! I absolutely love when you tell me to kiss you and you point your rosy cheek in my direction and point with your finger. You make this little pucker face and then strain your eye to look at me even though your head is turned. It’s so adorable. I love how you always find the time to ask me about something I’m doing during the day or how I feel even though you’re in a rush. You’re so caring and thoughtful, always wanting to know how I’m feeling or what my thoughts are on something. I love the moment when your feigned coldness melts away into a wave of love and kisses. I love when you ask me to share songs with you; it feels like I open up a part of myself that I don’t really share with others, and I feel heard. I’m sure you know music is both of our ways to express our character, and you asking me about my music makes my eardrums feel hugged by you. (Side note—I want you to know that even though I dog on Harry Styles because I want you to be talking and thinking about me instead of him, I actually do enjoy his music and I love that you enjoy his music). I love how you smell (you smell nice ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) when I hug you for the first time in a while (and every time your hair flips in my direction… and anytime I’m within 20 meters of you). I love when I can tell your eyes light up talking about the anime that helped make me who I am today, or the shows that got me through high school. Like you like Kaguya-sama??? You think it’s cute??? Kaguya and Shirogane are us??? Let’s get married??? You remind me of the cold girl in the moon turned sweet and my lover??? Come kiss me??? Every time you scratch my head with your pretty nails I can’t help but imagine a car full of our kids and bank accounts with their college savings. When I listen to love music, I cut out the two people and think of you and me instead. Sometimes I feel like I’ve never know someone like you. And then I notice how I’m tangled in love and stuck by you from the glue. Also, don’t forget to kiss me otherwise you’ll be missing me!!! (Just kidding I know you’ll always give me a kiss). Okay okay, let’s get back on track. Anything you do makes me love living because I know I’ll always be loved by you. Forever and always.

III. Let me take you on an e-Date

Hey baby, were you waiting long? You blush and cover your smile with your hand. You shake your head. Oh good, so you weren’t waiting here long! You were actually waiting here for 10 minutes. Anabel, you look stunning tonight. You notice how his eyes light up looking at you, and you can’t help but agree… you look really good. He takes your hand and leads you down the sidewalk. Up not too far away is a bright sign that says “HARRY STYLES AMUSEMENT PARK!!!!” Just kidding, it’s your favorite restaurant Koi. I thought you might want to get some sushi cause I know it’s your favorite. You take your hands and fold your skirt under you as you take a seat across from him. He gives you a puzzled look and then gets up to sit next to you in the booth. Isn’t it cuter this way if we sit right next to each other? You need slowly and then tickle him a bit. The waiter walks by and stops at the table. Hey there, could I get a Thai iced tea and a California role for me, my wifey will have a mango avocado roll. You know you’re not married yet, but you like how he calls you wifey. You think of the devious things you’ll do to this man after this sushi date. I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but I hope Santa wrapped you up and dropped you under my Christmas tree. You giggle at how goofy and out-of-nowhere that sentence was, but this is the man you fell in love with the summer of 2023. You both eat your sushi together, and when you can’t finish the rest of the roll, you know that your boyfriend is there waiting to snatch up the rest for you. Thank you for not being able to finish that, baby, you know it’s bulking season for me. Shall we go? He pays the bill (where did he get that money from?), and you both walk out. Suddenly you’re in the streets of Italy—the buses and cats whizz by your ears, and the loud humdrum of city bustle almost makes you forget your hand is being held. I know you’ve always wanted to go to Italy, so I made us a device that teleports us to Italy! What do you think? He smiles warmly at you, and you jump up and down enthusiastically (Editor’s note--I imagined you doing this and oh my god you’re so cute). You both head in the direction of a crepe shop. What kind of crepe are you getting?? I think I’ll get one with a lot of fruit because it reminds me of the crepes my dad makes. You gesture to the pink crepe that has a watermelon design with a wide smile. Of course my sweet little oogly booglums (Editor’s note—what the fuck) He buys both of the crepes and you two stroll down the street, taking in the sights and smells of the busy city. Can we keep going on living forever like this? Exploring the world, trying new things, growing in each other’s warmth and light, taking pleasure in each other’s company. Will you go on living with me forever like this, Ana? You realize that this isn’t fantasy e-Date Brennan anymore, but Brennan speaking. I love you Ana, and I want to live the rest of my life with you You both find your way to a clandestine hotel room high, high up in the sky… and the rest can’t be written in this letter

IV. Touch me (closing remarks)

I hope you liked that little e-Date I took you on, sweetheart. Maybe if I become a master engineer then it might become reality, but both of those two different scenes will definitely happen eventually, but probably separately. I want to keep living life with you just like this. You’re so pretty and beautiful and gorgeous and sweet and STUNNING. Just being able to stand next to you is a treat, but to be your first choice in everything, and for you to want to touch me and kiss me and love me is one of my reasons for being born in this world. This may be only our second Valentine’s Day together, but there will be so, so, so many more. This might even be the last Valentine’s Day we have to spend apart, but I hope this letter makes you feel warm and fuzzy, and that it feels like a big hug from me. Even thirty years later, our kids will call us gross for how lovey-dovey we are, and I truly can’t wait to be teased by our beautiful children (and then tell them that mommy and daddy are going to their room to “talk”…. I love you so much, and I wrote you this love letter to show you my darling ♥

Love,

Brennan (your Valentine)